A few weeks ago my husband and I joined my sister and her husband at Sunset Beach in Cape May to…watch the sun set. It seemed as if everyone on that late afternoon in March was transfixed as the sun made its slow descent. As we made our way back to the car I turned to glance once last time at the horizon. For a brief moment I wondered if the sun would rise again the following morning.
If the past two months have proven anything, it’s that life can change on a dime. Pre-dime-time I, like most of us, was too concerned with the irritants in my life. Irritants that I energized into problems I felt I “had to deal with.” (Note, this tendency to feel I had to control things or the belief that I actually had the power to control things was soon dissolved.) I enlarged these so-called problems all by myself, sort of like I used to do when I was a child playing with Silly Putty. Sitting at the kitchen table with the Sunday comic pages I’d lay the Silly Putty on the image and then enlarge and distort it as I manipulated the Silly Putty. I was doing the same thing in my recent life.
I try to live by the Four Agreements (read Don Miguel Ruiz’s book of the same name to learn of the four agreements). Consumed by applying Silly Putty (so to speak) of the “problems” and therefore distorting things, I found myself ignoring two of the agreements, 1) don’t take it personally and 2) don’t make assumptions. When I took a step back and remembered these agreements things came into perspective and to be honest, in a few cases my “take” on what was happening was dead wrong.
What did I do? I tried to become less rigid. I stopped making assumptions because I really don’t know why people do what they do or don’t do what I think they should be doing or say things that I don’t think should be said. I stopped taking things personally because in reality someone’s behavior has everything to do with them and really nothing to do with me personally – even though things might hurt or disappoint.
I recently had a call with a client and she asked me what I meant by “mind clutter.” I told her they were thoughts that we held onto that didn’t bring us joy, didn’t help us grow, that kept us stagnant and fearful or angry. Making assumptions and taking things personally are forms of mind clutter.
Post-dime-time tells me to continue to do what I feel to be the right thing even though it may not be well-received or acknowledged or appreciated or valued. To not fight fire with fire – to yield a bit because yielding really tends to diffuse as situation. I’m not taking about turning your back on your values or doing something that you feel is wrong – I’m talking about sometimes being the one who yields when in a stalemate.
If you come home and there are dishes in the sink that you didn’t put there, don’t immediately start a fight. Don’t think someone put them there specifically to have you do extra work (taking it personally). Don’t think that someone left them in the sink because they think you are their personal slave (making assumptions).
Just do the dishes.
And then later, ask why it happened. Tell how it affected you. And then let it go. Don’t apply Silly Putty to the situation and distort things. Pick and choose wisely.
So, I do the dishes and pick up the occasional dirty glass that’s been left on the table. And sometimes, someone picks up a book that I had on hold at the library or puts my dish in the dishwasher that I left on the counter as I ran out to the bank before it closed. Really no biggie so try not to make it one.
And as for the sun, the next morning I took a walk to the beach to watch the sunrise in all its glory.
As we are on the flip side of the Spring (Vernal) Equinox, I wish that the garden of your life is growing wonderful, beautiful things for you.
P.S. I’m continuing to offer my numerology readings and 30-minute follow-up call for only $49. Reply to this newsletter or message me on my Facebook page, Anne Greco Life Coaching, to schedule a reading.
The photo is of the sunset on Sunset Beach